Farmyard Squabbles (re-edited)

© Farmyard Squabbles. Phil Bottomley 2017. All Rights Reserved.


“Cluck, cluck, cluck,” said Mother Hen.
“Look at my chicks, I’ve now got ten!
There’s Hetty, Clarabelle, Sydney and James,
Jeffery, Susie, Mary and Maime
Then there is Donna and Chrissie as well,
Who both had a problem breaking their shell!”

“Well, I’ve got twelve ducklings,” said Dilly the Duck
“You don’t hear me going cluck, cluck, cluck!
Stop strutting around; it’s really quite rude!
And it’s not as if they’re your first brood.
Dignity dear and quiet; if you’re able,
And you may just stay off the farmer’s table!”

“Now stop it you two,” said Harriet Hog.
“My young are asleep under that log,
Twelve little piglets all pink and replete
Having a nap after something to eat;
I’m going to be angry if I hear a pig squeak
And I’ll chase you two for the rest of the week!”

“Cluck, cluck, cluck,” said Old Mother Hen
“And how will you chase me from inside that pen?
“Oh I’ll find a way, you mark my words
And I’ll take no cheek from a couple of birds!”
From the back of the sty came a mighty roar
And out ran her husband; Henry the boar.

He charged at the gate but the bolts held firm
Henry just roared and started to turn
Then he charged once again and the gate exploded
The hinges flew off and the bolts just folded
The piglets awoke and started to cry
Then ran from the log and outside the sty

“You stupid old Hog!” Shouted Henry’s wife,
“You really are the bane of my life!
Get after my babies, and then fix that gate
They’re due for a feed so don’t you be late!”
So off he went, under a cloud
The hen and the duck were laughing out loud.

‘It’s all your fault, you quarrelsome pair!’
Said Harriet under a baleful stare,
Which was aimed at the two mirth ridden fowl,
Now on their backs, beginning to howl.
‘Just go away and take your brood
You’re not only stupid, but downright rude!’

‘Oh, poor Mrs Piggy.’ Said Dilly the Duck.
It was then that Harriet ran amok!
Like a misguided missile she leapt from her pen
Aiming, roughly at Old Mother Hen
The farmyard was filled with feathers and dust
As the birds leapt away from The Piggy’s blood lust

Ducklings were quacking, the chicks went tweet, tweet
All of them dodging the pigs flying feet.
It took an age for the pig to grow calm
Having chased the birds all over the farm.
On weary trotters, and mouth flecked with foam
Harriet turned and headed for home.

Dilly the Duck said, ‘wasn’t that fun?
Did you see how quick that fat pig could run?’
‘Yes,’ said the hen. ‘she was in a state.
Did you see her face when the boar broke the gate?’
‘Yes, and his face when he trudged from the pen?
I can’t wait till tomorrow to do it again!’


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