Ed Says Sorry (Sort of) Or, The Real Conference Speech


Gather round people, my name is Ed

I’m here to say soory, you’ve all been mislead.

Tony, my leader, my mentor, my God

Was a sneaky, accomplished lying sod.

He said immigration would benefit all,

He said it would see unemployment fall.

He said Saddam was a threat to the West,

He said trust in Labour cos we know best.

His lapdog, Prescott, became his new fag

And he rewarded him with a extra pool Jag.

Then along came Gordon, the Man o’ The Manse,

Who ousted Tony when he saw his chance.

Nothing changed, in fact it got worse

As Gordon emptied the Public Purse

The writing was there, high on the wall

Difficult to see with one eyeball

Even those around ignored the signs

In denial about their fiscal crimes

Then the crash, the Banker’s scandal

Too complex for Gordon to handle

Still they flocked in from the East

Encouraged by tales of a Welfare feast

Gordon huffed and borrowed some more

Whilst keeping open the immigrant door.

But now we’re rebuilding, I’m in charge

My message to you will be writ large

One Nation Labour, here for you

From John o’ Groats to Brighton to Crewe

We’ll control immigration, close the door

Diversity at our very core

Migrant numbers will begin to tumble

My team and I are all feeling humble

Although, in truth, we feel no guilt

For immigration or the debt we built

The EU awaits and we’ll integrate

A referendum will be too late

So to offer one would be a mistake

The decision will be for me to make

So, yes I’m sorry for Labour’s past errors

For the Banking scandal and all the terrors

That resulted from Social engineering

Close to my heart and quite endearing.

Would I repeat it, do it all again?

Would I get on that gravy train?

My answer is, you can trust in me

I’m as Labour as Labour can be

I’ll lead you through the Strasbourg gate

And help you fully integrate

The British people will be ‘old hat’

Our “Diversity” policies saw to that.




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